Ain't that the truth! But let's be real honest right now and ask then why is it so hard to do this? I am talking about the very real but very "dirty little secret" among us women that we are not always supportive of each other. The fact is, this is a real issue and we have all at one time in our lives been either the instigator or victim? Am I right?
How many of us are guilty of saying how happy we are for someone but are covering up an “I-secretly-want-to-see-you-fail” mindset. I think all of us have dealt with this at one time or another.
I was reading an interesting article on Forbes.com entitled Women Leading Women: Supporters or Saboteurs? Now, this article is more focused on the female professional relationships but that doesn't mean that this issue does not seep into our personal lives as well.
Taking on this blog and starting some new career adventures has made me realize how much I depend on my support group and the importance of constantly working to make it grow. I know though, that I am not the only one that is in need of this and that is why it is so imparitive we all do what can to start working on this. To start building each other up...
Can I be honest, I don't know how many times I have thought to reach out a hand or share with someone I have not talked to in a while how proud I am of them but have decided not to. Why? Why do we stop ourselves? Is it part jealousy or are we just scared of reliving some nightmare of rejection. For me, it is the fear of reaching out and it not being welcomed or recipricated. I don't know how many times I have seen someone I know and have smiled or said "Hi" just to have them blankly stare back at me all the while knowing exactly who I am. Why? Why do we do this?
How many times have you been so excited to share something you are proud of all to have a person walk up and say one thing that makes you feel insignificant? Now, how many times have you done that to someone else either on purpose or without knowing it?
So, now for the most important part, how do we turn this destructive behavior around? Well after, doing some research I ran across another article entitled 5 Ways for Women to Support Each Other and I thought it could definitely be a start in the right direction. So here are the 5 secrets to help us women be more supportive to each other.
The author talks about a lady named Kathryn who was a participant in a workshop she conducted. She basically said that in this workshop, Kathryn was very straight-forward with her; telling her where she did well and also where she could improve. She said that hearing Kathryn honest oppinion was invaluable to her. She said the truth but did it in a way to help her learn how to be better. "Women supporting women want to see all women do well, so there’s no skipping over the constructive criticism to maintain “I-want-you-to-like-me” status or covering up an “I-secretly-want-to-see-you-fail” mindset."
*The rest of the "secrets" are going to be straight from the article.
Secret #2 – Open doors and make introductions.
Kathryn must have the longest speed dial and email lists around. She’s quick to facilitate connections or share a recommendation for where to go, what to see, who to meet. Relationships, alliances and coalitions are the new currency of the workplace. Building those bonds between and with other women can only help advance our general standing in business."
Secret #3 – Replace the cat suit with collaboration and recognition.
Having a little milk with your snarky cat chow comments serves no one well. Kathryn is known for her supportive remarks, notes and get-together suggestions. Cease with the catty comments which only fuel the image of Ms. Barash’s dirty little secret claim. Instead, learn the background stories of your female colleagues; be a safe harbor or a sounding board for them. We’re only as strong as our weakest link."
Secret #4 – Share freely what you know.
Kathryn is quick to share articles, access and/or information. Protecting your turf by hoarding knowledge or aggregating power doesn’t expand your sphere of influence…it limits it – with both the guys and the gals. Power with is the new starting point.
Secret #5 – Like yourself so you can like others.
For most of us, the inner critic is alive and well and oh-so-quick with the negative “you aren’t good enough, smart enough, thin enough, whatever enough” script. Embrace your own goodness…you’ve got lots of it. Be confident…look at all you’ve accomplished. Revel in your own uniqueness instead of wishing you were more like someone else.
Let's start focusing on becoming successful, strong women— and bring another woman along with you!
LET'S ROCK THIS WORLD
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